Changes

For a person riddled with anxiety most of the time changes can be extremely difficult. Two and a half years ago I stopped working to be home full time with Liv. It wasn't a scary change but I was sad having to tell my former employer that I would not be returning. They had become my extended family in the five years that I worked there. Last night I went for orientation at my new part- time job. I won't mention names but it's the biggest book store in the US. Right up my alley since I can almost always be found with my nose in a book. I can't wait to help customers find new adventures between the pages of their new books. But I am now scared of "missing out" with the kids. John turns 9 on October 3rd...which now I am working 5-9pm. I just feel bad. He doesn't get home from school until after 3 and I'll be leaving soon after that. I know I'll work it out that day and make him feel special. Just a little bit anxiety over it. But what woke me up at 4am this morning was "oh no what if I have to work Halloween night!" John is being Tonto from the new Lone Ranger movie which involves me painting his face. And Liv is being Sofia the First. I can't wait to see how excited she is to dress up like a princess. She asks me about the costume everyday. I've been hiding it for weeks now because I know she would want to wear it everyday. I've never missed trick or treating with my kids EVER. It is my favorite holiday of the year! Always has been! Liv would like me to dress up like a cat. So you better believe I will be walking around with painted whiskers on my face. But again what if I have to work! I am just starting out and am not comfortable requesting off. My half sleep anxiety ridden brain came up with a solution. Their dad will just have to take them out and also come visit me at work in their costumes. There is no other solution. I think what I'm most uncomfortable with is the "not knowing" anything yet. I am kind of a "type a" person I like a plan and a schedule! How do people function properly without one? The whole point to this long winded story is I need to learn to be more flexible and stop thinking that I am going to be there for every second of my kids' lives. Soon they aren't going to want me around for every little thing and hopefully I will learn to accept that. Ha! Good luck to you if you are dealing with these type of "mom problems". The kids are totally worth all the anxiety!