Changes

For a person riddled with anxiety most of the time changes can be extremely difficult. Two and a half years ago I stopped working to be home full time with Liv. It wasn't a scary change but I was sad having to tell my former employer that I would not be returning. They had become my extended family in the five years that I worked there. Last night I went for orientation at my new part- time job. I won't mention names but it's the biggest book store in the US. Right up my alley since I can almost always be found with my nose in a book. I can't wait to help customers find new adventures between the pages of their new books. But I am now scared of "missing out" with the kids. John turns 9 on October 3rd...which now I am working 5-9pm. I just feel bad. He doesn't get home from school until after 3 and I'll be leaving soon after that. I know I'll work it out that day and make him feel special. Just a little bit anxiety over it. But what woke me up at 4am this morning was "oh no what if I have to work Halloween night!" John is being Tonto from the new Lone Ranger movie which involves me painting his face. And Liv is being Sofia the First. I can't wait to see how excited she is to dress up like a princess. She asks me about the costume everyday. I've been hiding it for weeks now because I know she would want to wear it everyday. I've never missed trick or treating with my kids EVER. It is my favorite holiday of the year! Always has been! Liv would like me to dress up like a cat. So you better believe I will be walking around with painted whiskers on my face. But again what if I have to work! I am just starting out and am not comfortable requesting off. My half sleep anxiety ridden brain came up with a solution. Their dad will just have to take them out and also come visit me at work in their costumes. There is no other solution. I think what I'm most uncomfortable with is the "not knowing" anything yet. I am kind of a "type a" person I like a plan and a schedule! How do people function properly without one? The whole point to this long winded story is I need to learn to be more flexible and stop thinking that I am going to be there for every second of my kids' lives. Soon they aren't going to want me around for every little thing and hopefully I will learn to accept that. Ha! Good luck to you if you are dealing with these type of "mom problems". The kids are totally worth all the anxiety!

What's in my shopping cart?

Got some shopping done for me and the littles. I think Liv's leopard print loafers are my favorite! So presh! Click on pictures for the links to the sites.

Old Navy 30% until tomorrow, discount code: THANKYOU, Banana Republic and Gap 35% until tomorrow, discount code: THANKYOU

Also not pictured: Some very boring plain boy sweatpants. 

Am I ruining my kids?

After reading this article that a friend posted on Facebook I started examining the type of parent I am. After having Olivia two and a half years ago my anxiety has sky rocketed. I find myself saying poor John he's not allowed to do this or that. Am I stunting his growth as a young boy? Am I sheltering him too much?  He's going to be 9 on October 3rd and is in the third grade. By his age I was walking home several blocks from school by myself. Playing outside all day with barely checking in. Finding adventures all over my neighborhood. I feel like John isn't "allowed" to do anything on his own. I walk him to the bus stop which is not even a full block away from our house (but the view is obstructed by another house). He can't just ride his bike or scooter up and down the street out front of our house without one of us standing out there. The only small concession he has gotten from me this year is that he can walk home from said bus stop but I wait on the back porch watch the school bus go by and know that less than a half of minute later I can see him walking up the street. I feel like it is safer for him to walk home alone because the bus drops them off on our side and he doesn't have to cross the street. This morning he asked me "Mom can I just walk myself please this morning?" I said "okay John I will walk you and see you get to the corner with the other kids then leave okay". Well of course we walk down and the other three kids that are normally at the stop aren't there yet. Right away I say you can stand here yourself but I'll walk back to the house very slowly until I see more kids get here. I walk as far as I can with still seeing him and just stand there while the other kids show up and the bus comes.  And I wave to him from the corner and see him happily sitting in his seat.

And now all morning I'm feeling anxious. Still. Why? I have no idea... my child is safely sitting in his seat at school. And I feel like shit. Pardon my language but yes sometimes I curse, and sometimes I just like to curse. Since the school year has started and fall as fallen upon us I have been feeling more and more like shit. Olivia and I have been home alone during the day and I over examine every decision I make with her. She's not interested in potty training, she doesn't know how to count passed three, she's only knows one color (which is the only color she wants to know, pink). The job of parenting never felt so hard. I always felt like a natural mother after I had John, this time around with having two kids now I feel like I'm dropping the ball. I never understood the troubles of a stay at home mom. I always envied them when I went back to work after I had John. I thought it was so nice to have all day to bond and have your house spotless and take your kids everywhere. But I never realized just how hard it is. It can be isolating at times even if your busy. Some days you really just need to stay in your house and veg out with your toddler forget about the vacuuming. She doesn't want to be run all over the place your errands need to be done at that day.  The idea of story time sounds so cute but once your there you realize she isn't going to sit through the reading of one even very short book. As I write this Olivia is watching tv on my phone. It kinda makes me feel like crap. But at the same time it's nice to have 5 seconds to get my brain in order and she ain't complaining! I know this post is kind of scattered but that's exactly what my brain feels like right now..Swiss cheese aka mom brain. Well my 5 seconds is up, Olivia needs my attention. Hopefully if your feeling like shit sitting in your own house right now this made you feel like your not alone. Hey maybe we can set up a play date but I can't promise my house will be cleaned up when you get here and I will probably not be able to provide you and your kids with even one healthy snack. By this time in the week all that is left is in my junky snack cabinet.

100 Book Challenge: August 2013

49. The Longings of Wayward Girls, by Karen Brown

I love a good murder mystery. This novel also captured the spirit of being a kid in a neighborhood where you actually play outside and use your imagination! The story takes place in the present time but then flashes back to the main characters childhood. You relate so much with her childhood and also with her struggles as a married adult woman with children. 

50. Spirit (Elemental #3) by Brigid Kemmerer

A teen series that isn't too childish. I don't feel at all awkward about being a "grown up" and reading this one. I wasn't sure how much I was going to like this book since it wasn't focusing on the brothers that the series is based around but the struggle that played out in this book for the character Hunter was well written. He's a teenager with special powers with no one he thinks he can trust and has a lot of growing up to do. Seeing how his character developed was entertaining. Looking forward to the next book in the series.

51. The Dark Divine, Bree Despain

I picked up this series of books after they were recommended by my friend Cristi, she really enjoyed them. I finished the whole series in a little over a week! Lots of love and action! And there's werewolves, vamps, and demons....the trifecta of my perfect book. This is a teen series. 

52. The Lost Saint (The Dark Divine #2), Bree Despain

The second in the series. I enjoyed seeing the main character develop a new relationship and the new character that was introduced was appealing. Just enough mystery. Plus we get to see the main character kick some butt!

53. The Savage Grace (The Dark Divine #3), Bree Despain

The conclusion to the series. I'm happy with the way the series ended. The story lines were finished and there was a lot of action at the end. A great series to read.

54. Goddess (Starcrossed #3), Josephine Angelini

The conclusion to a series that I stumbled upon at the library. The story went in a direction I wasn't expecting and I'm still thinking about whether or not I like how it ended. I'm still really unsure. The series is worth picking up though. I loved the first two books. 

55. Plague Town, by Dana Fredsti

The first in a new series. Kick ass heroine with a twist on the normal zombie apocalypse. These are adult fiction and get pretty graphic. The main character Ashley has a weird way of thinking about things and its hilarious. Very excited for the next book!

56. Dark Places, by Gillian Flynn
The second book I have read by Gillian Flynn and it leaves an impression. I'm still thinking about the ending days later. I love Flynn's writing style. Going back and forth from the present to the past. You read her books like you watch a show or movie. I have a clear picture of the people and places in her books. An excellent read. Looking forward to Sharp Objects next.

Guest Post: Sarah's Fall Fashion Finds

I'm excited to write about something that I absolutely LOVE! CLOTHES!!! I have mini panic attacks when I go into a store and I see a million different articles of clothing that I MUST have! Ask Kristin she has witnessed this excitement... 

So I'm sure you know who I am by now I'm Kristin's very best friend/ hairstylist ; Sarah. 
Kristin and I have known each other since the 4th grade. We met on Ramblers field where we played softball and a few years later again at Calvary Christian Academy. I can still remember the day when I saw her waiting in the lobby. It's history from there! I got a sister for life and eternity which is pretty cool! 

Anyway, enough about that let's get back CLOTHES! I'm a person that has no self control when it comes to something that I want like a dress or a top or a bag. I need that instant gratification and I know if I don't get it then it will be in my dreams that night. Crazy I know! I own well over 100 dresses. I love my pretty dresses! I wear a dress winter, spring, summer and fall. They're always cute and super flattering. People always say you're always so dressed up...but a dress can be worn so many ways. I especially love to wear a dress with leggings and boots! It's casual and cute! 

I've always been a plus sized woman, I remember my mom taking me Sears as a little kid because they had the pretty plus section there... How freakin embarrassing! I've now embraced my figure and I'm a very confident person. It took a little while but trust me I've embraced it whole heartedly. I had no choice it's the body God gave me. I've worked very hard at loosing weight and its now payed off. I'm now down 36lbs and I feel fantastic! I lost weight but not my curves and I'm so happy about that! 

People ask me where I find my clothes and they are always surprised from my answers. Forever 21 has a great trendy plus sized selection. I get the best leggings, dresses and tops there! Another favorite is Torrid. It's always fun shopping there because I can always find a pair of jeans that hug my curves perfectly. I also love Macy's American Rag line and if your looking for the perfect going out outfit Fashion to Figure at Cherry Hill Mall has really fun stuff! 

I'm very much looking forward to the Fall and breaking out my boots especially my new cowboy boots my hubby bought me for my 30th birthday!  I picked out some Fall fashion finds that I will most definitely be purchasing! Take a look! 

Where you can find Sarah: Hair Etc/ Facebook/ Instagram 

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